Friday, 10 February 2012

My body is ruining my life

I woke up this morning thinking that I wanted to surprise my SO today. We got up and watched the football highlights, sat and watched TV for a bit. I let him go on his game and I played around on the laptop for a bit. This afternoon he had the rugby on and whilst he watched the Six Nations match I started to get ready for the surprise.
I ran myself a bath, had a nice long soak; I only realised it was a long soak when I got out of the bath and the rugby match had almost finished; it only had a few minutes left of the game.
Drying myself off I thought it was too early for the rest of my 'plan' so I watched some TV on BBC IPlayer for a while and my SO played Skyrim.
I went through to the bedroom, spent ages putting my new corset on; and when I say ages I mean it took almost half an hour trying to get it zipped up, then spent another 15 minutes trying to get the lacing right, the tightness.
SO called through for me to come and have tea, so I covered up a bit and went through. He could see I was wearing the corset but I had a pair of tracksuit bottoms on. I had my tea and just as I was finishing I felt a sharp pain in my neck. I have never felt something so excruciating in my entire life. Thinking this was just a spasm or something I took the plates out to the kitchen. Again the same thing happened, shooting pain in my neck.
I went for a lay down for a bit in bed, just to see if that would help; laying still in one position in case I had trapped a nerve. After a while SO came in, my neck not feeling any better.
I was curled up in bed, corset still on just in case the pain went away and I had taken the tracksuit bottoms off to get into bed. I would have taken the corset off but seeing as it took me so long to get into it in the first place there was no way I was going to go through that again. My fingers still hurt now from trying to do it up.
My SO went and made up a hot water bottle whilst I climbed out of bed not feeling any better, the pain still there. Still sharp pains, but not shooting now, just a constant pain.
There is no way now I can stop him watching the Super Bowl and entertain him.
It's the first time in months where neither of us have been too tired or ill. It's one of the only weekends where we haven't been rushing around either or had something planned. It has been a weekend for just us.
I suppose I can try again another time at 'distracting' him, he knows now what I was intending to do because quite frankly I'm rather upset about it. Every time I want to do something something goes wrong with my body. My friends wedding for instance, I ended up with a really bad migraine. The local Fetish night that I had been persuaded to go to I ended up tired and ill. No matter what it is there is always something wrong with me that stops it from happening.
Maybe I should just give up, become a hermit, live alone and block out the outside world. Then there is nothing to do, no expectations and no way my body can then give up on me.
I just hope that whilst I'm trying to pack this coming week that I don't get ill, or I'm not too tired to do anything. I have less than three weeks now and I really need to get the packing done before then.

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